Well, well, well, readers. If you’re reading this, you’re probably sad AF.
Not to worry, we’ve all been there. The crying, the eating, the crying, the re-watching that season of The Bachelorette you swore you’d never watch again (not that I’m speaking from personal experience…). Being sad sucks.
Whether you’re fresh off the breakup boat, got stood up for a date (stay tuned for that story...ha), or just having a hard time being single on these crazy streets...never fear. I got you.
Spinster Tips
for
When You Need To Get Over It
1. Let yourself be sad for 5 minutes
This might seem a bit...harsh, but it’s time to get over it, whatever your it is. That’s why you’re reading this aggressively pushy post, right?
The timer method seriously works. If you’re like me, sometimes you wake up feeling AGGRESSIVELY CRY-Y. Maybe you had three-too-many tequila seltzers (aka Margaritas) last night. Maybe you accidentally-on-purpose texted the guy who stood you up three years ago and berated him like a banshee. Maybe you thought of someone you used to love and threw you into a downward spiral.
WHATEVER, GIRL (or whatever your pronoun may be, I use girl for emphasis).
Time to shake that shit off.
Feeling like you need a good cry? Don’t “tough it out”...let the tears flow. It’ll feel like the fourth of fucking July. Seriously. Grab your tissues, play Olivia Rodrigo’s Driver’s License, and let the floodgates open wide.
CAVEAT - When the five minutes are up, you have to shake it off. No residual tears, absolutely no texting or flipping through old photos or scrolling on Bumble. Let it go and go about the rest of your day. This seriously works for me. Maybe I’m a psychopath, who knows.
2. Don’t. Text. ANYONE.
I mean, NO ONE.
Not your girlfriends to sob or mope about your ex.
Not your Mom, even if she’s your best friend - She’ll tell you all the rom-com things she’s supposed to say. It’ll make you feel better for two seconds, but you’ll be lonelier than ever later.
And, upon penalty of death, do NOT text the person who hurt you. Or the other person. Or the other person. They can’t bring you anything but trouble, readers.
What’s the solution? Don’t text a blessed soul. Sit with your feelings. Be productive on your own. Go hang the mirror you’ve put off dealing with for weeks. Take a shower and wash your sad ass hair. Better yet, go do something nice for someone else.
Remember thinking of others? Yeah, me neither.
**sobs quietly**
3. Delete and Repeat
Here’s a funny story, readers (by funny, I mean earth-shattering):
A few months back, The Ex I Never Got Over sent me a series of emotionally troubling texts. Old unsettled feelings, current unhappiness, and - dare I say - THE L WORD?! I know, right? Unreal.
I was catapulted into a whirlwind of romantic despair. Could he feel the way I feel? Is this really about to happen again? Is this the right time? Am I ready for this? Yes, I spiraled. And I kept spiraling for months.
When the shit hit the fan (doesn’t it always?), I became obsessed. I kept reading and re-reading (and RE-READING) the text messages, soaking it all up like a lovesick sponge. I couldn’t get enough.
Each time I reread the texts, another nail slammed into my proverbial coffin. I was deep in it and couldn’t get out, even when I knew it was over. He used me and it sucked.
But, hey - the world is full of users. I just didn’t think he was one of them.
The solution to my madness? DELETE.
On one bold (wine infused) evening, I squinted at my screen through embarrassed tears and deleted every single text message he ever sent me. Years of material, years of obsessive work, GONE. At first, I panicked and tried to get it back (I know). When THE INTERNET assured me this would be impossible, I settled into the feeling.
Why did I need that validation so badly? What wasn’t I getting in life, that I needed to feed the void with empty texts??
What was WRONG WITH ME?
Nothing. I was just sad AF.
Delete that shit and move on, baby. Move. On.
4. Do Something JUST For You.
Take yourself on a date. Even if that’s a date to your backyard or park or rooftop or local bathtub. Let yourself be pampered and as emotional as you want to be.
Sometimes, I get in this silly habit of judging my feelings, even when I’m alone. I’ll start crying watching a Netflix show or random baby video on Facebook and then I get mad at myself. Why am I crying? Oh my GOD, so embarrassing. I’m such a [INSERT MEAN WORDS]. And it goes on and on and on.
The solution? Tell your inner demon to F*%K OFF and do something you love. And do it just for you. Don’t go out and look cute and try to get some guy to chase you. Don’t try to hook up with someone to prove something or be something for anyone but yourself.
Enjoy being with yourself (or no one else will, AM-I-RIGHT??)
5. Give Yourself Some Grace (but not too much)
It’s a fine line. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling without falling into another pit of despair. The solution? Acknowledge your feelings, then release them.
Don’t put yourself on a healing calendar (yes, I tried to do this. No it did not work.).
Don’t force yourself to GET BACK OUT THERE before you’re ready.
Let yourself take your sweet ass time.
FINAL THOUGHTS
What else is there to say? Your feelings are ALWAYS valid, even when you’re bawling into your peanut butter re-watching The Office and telling yourself you don’t know all of the jokes, even though you do. Feelings are feelings and sadness is sadness and fuck anybody who tries to tell you your feelings are wrong. Whether you’re heartbroken, jilted, stood up, or just sad...It’s okay.
Comments