And if you've already fallen apart...don't worry. I got you.
Well...we did it. Christmas has come and gone. How did it go?
I’m not ashamed to say it was a rough day for me. Lots of unexpected crying and anxiety. Lots of borderline existential crises, LOTS of glasses of (boxed) wine.
Now, you might be wondering: Aurie, aren’t all your days like that? And, the truth, dear readers, is... yes. Unfortunately, they are all like that. But, I want to change that.
So, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way...Let’s dive in.
The Why
Holidays are rough, even on a “good” year. And, letsbehonest, 2020 has been unspeakably cruel.
Health, wellness, finances, love...it’s all a wash. To make you feel a little better about your own catastrophes, I’ll share some of my own.
Here are my 2020 blunders, to name a few:
Furloughed (which later turned into a lay-off) from my full-time theatre job
Very bad breakup from a very toxic 3-year relationship
Abruptly forced to leave my beautiful Brooklyn apartment, thanks to a violent squatter (and now ex-roommate)
Left (fled) the city to move back home to Long Island
Cut HIDEOUS bangs (Re: Breakup)
Fell deeper into an infatuation with an ex I never got over
Not my finest year. But, hey, things aren’t all bad. 2020 is almost over (GET OUT!), and we have a new year to start fresh. But, if you’re like me and it can be hard to see the forest through the stupid 2020 trees, here are a few ways to start anew.
How to Start Over
Without Completely Falling Apart
1. Set Your Intentions
Yes, I love lists. Deal with it.
Lists save the ENTIRE day.
Why?
Because it’s easy to internalize what you’re feeling stupid or embarrassed about (Re: Crying about that ex I never got over). It’s also easy to be your biggest bully.
Telling yourself to JUST GET OVER IT doesn’t usually help. Sometimes, telling yourself to wallow in those feelings can also prove unsuccessful.
In my experience, it’s best to lay the cards out on the table; be who you are and feel how you feel with ZERO judgement. Make a list of the things you WANT. Make a list of the things you DON’T want. Make a list of things to keep, things to save, things to donate to the Goodwill of blunders and hijinx.
Here is my list of ever-growing intentions:
Surround myself with people who make me feel like myself
Re-learn how to love being okay with just me
Never settle for something or someone just because they’re there
Be honest and direct about how I feel as soon as I feel it
Channel my energy into something creative
Jump outside my comfort zone
Share what I create with the world and be FUCKING PROUD OF IT.
Embrace your feelings, even the ones that make you feel small. Acknowledging your insecurities and intentions will make you stronger for whatever lies ahead.
2. Embrace Your Feelings and Ride ‘Em, Cowgirl/boy/they
Did I spend a chunk of yesterday crying about my impending spinster-dom and confused feelings I have for an ex I’ve recently reconnected with? Yes.
Am I three months out of a bad relationship, and I sometimes feel unspeakably fragile and lonely? YES.
Am I over the moon about being on my own again, while still craving love and companionship? YES!
Are all of these things okay? Can they all exist independently inside my quirky brain? YES. They have to, because I feel all of them. I don’t have to choose one way to be. I don’t have to put on a brave face. It’s just...my face.
I can be a strong, badass feminist creator while also missing having a romantic partner. I can be confused about feelings for a guy from my past, while embracing my independent future. I can love being alone while still feeling lonely sometimes. I can love creating, while feeling insecure about sharing what I create.
Things work out the way they need to. Embrace being yourself, wherever and however you are. RIGHT NOW.
3. Choose a Goal and RUN WITH IT
Okay. On top of my 2020 being an EMOTIONAL MESS, it turned out to be a surprisingly creative year. I started a kid biz (Monster Classroom!), reignited my blog, and (almost) finished writing a four-part miniseries. It was EXHAUSTING, but my creative energy got me through some of my darker days.
So, let’s talk about goals.
Unlike intentions, goals are specific. They work in tandem with intention, fueling us forward and giving us the mojo we need.
For example, one of my 2020 intentions is to jump outside my comfort zone. Turning that into an actionable goal? I want to run a 5K. That’s a goal. I still need to set a date, pick a place, train, etc. But, I’m going to do it!
It’s all about accountability, dear friends. Picking a goal, setting a date, sharing that date, and sticking to that date is WAY harder than it seems. I always find reasons to keep adjusting, tinkering, postponing. But, I’m trying to break that habit. And it starts with one single, solitary step.
So. Pick ONE goal. It could be training for a 5K, learning to cook meals for one (Re: Breakup), taking a socially-distant camping trip, or applying for that job you’ve wanted for years. Pick one and run with it. Despite the outcome, you’ll be proud of yourself for following through. Trust me.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This year has been a toughie. But, we can pull ourselves out. You don’t need New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s be honest, they never last. Be direct and intentional about what you want for yourself. Start Over without Falling Apart.
It’s not about the new year. Or the breakups or the jobs or apartments or horrible bangs you cut on impulse.
It’s about you.
XOXO
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