Me, neither, girl. Me neither.
Well, friends, with the last winter vortex behind us, Spring is on the horizon.
Phew.
Soon it will be time for Easter egg hunts, Matzo Ball soup and park picnic slow dances for 65 and up. But first—the green-blooded kickoff holiday of the Spring Season we’ve all been waiting for - It’s St. Patrick’s Day (almost)!
Time to rally—but what to do?
There are various St. Patrick’s Day Parades across the boroughs, but if you’re like me (meaning you hate people and crowds and getting body-slammed with jabby elbows), they probably aren’t for you. Tourists are swallowing the city whole, turning almost every outdoor excursion into an excuse for selfie sticks and slow-moving Keds-wearing relatives who inexplicably stop walking mid-sidewalk.
There are bro-heavy sports bars, complete with tequila shots, popped collars and Rohypnol. But, again, if you’re like me—been there, done that. Those places are seething with mouth breathing weirdos and 2005 pop playlists. Not to mention: Kelly green is NOT my color.
Luckily, all is not lost; there are many (less vibrant and annoying) ways to show love and support for our favorite spring holiday. Since I’m now Brooklyn-based (hey girllll), I want to explore my borough. And after recently learning I am 25% Irish (thank you, www.ancestryDNA.com!), I really want to step it up.
But, where to go? What’s a semi-homebody, eye-rolling-wine-drinking New York native to do on the largest spring turnup of the year???
Luckily, friends, I’ve done some sleuthing, so you don’t have to.
Here are my top St. Paddy’s Day Activities for New Yorkers who just can’t.
1. Go To the Parade (I Guess)
Okay, New York Pessimists, with an Irish coffee and a pair of sunglasses, you can handle this.
Not in the mood for midtown Manhattan? Me neither. Fellow Brooklynites who like a morning stroll, pop over to Prospect Park West for the 44th Annual Brooklyn St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It’s free, outdoorsy, and FREE. Plus, if it’s lame, just walk back to your apartment and get drunk at home. Win Win.
Bonus: The Brooklyn Irish LGBTQ Organization (BILO) will be the FIRST
Irish LGBTQ group to march in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade!
Can’t get a pot of gold without a rainbow, right?
2. Head to a Distillery
Who doesn’t love a crisp, hoppy beer at an inappropriately early hour of the day?
No one.
That’s why Kings County Distillery has a historically accurate, whisky-infused tasting tour of drinking scandals to Prohibition and beyond. Learn about Vinegar Hill, also known by its 19th century name, “Irish Town”, and taste some seriously strong booze. They even have moonshine! For the lawless lovers of the Old New York, this is a no-brainer. A quick walk from York Street on the F train, this is an educationally debaucherous way to spend a tipsy afternoon. Sunday, March 17th – Whisky Wars St. Patrick’s Day Tour - 4:30pm.
3. All Day Brunch Bash
I’m definitely not a Brunch Girl. It’s not breakfast, it’s not lunch, and what time does it start? Is 2pm too late? Is 11am too early?
Lucky for me, Brooklyn Cider House is throwing an all-day brunch bash.
What? Yes.
11am-11pm, grab yourself a holiday menu, complete with Corned Beef, Green Eggs and Ham (I know!), and Green Cider. Order a “Luck of the Irish” and find yourself face-to-face with a cider and a shot of Jameson. Naughty, naughty. Bring your wallet—this won’t be a freebee situation. But, very worth it for the festive (and eternally hungry) at heart.
4. Start Drinking Early
You know that dark, seemingly empty Irish Pub on your corner? Go there.
I’m not kidding. These places fill up early, but are incredible if you can snag a seat. Windowless, tourist-less and essentially populated by the crotchety, these watering holes are perfect for the Quintessential New York Loners. Just drink and shut up.
There are way too many dive bars to name, but Molly’s Sheeben looks pretty sweet.
Originally opened under a different name in the late 1800s, Molly’s is one of the oldest and most highly regarded pubs in the city. Nestled on the Lower East Side, the menu features Bangers n Mash, Corned Beef, and Molly’s Traditional Shepherds’ Pie.
Getting delightfully drunk in the dark, uninterrupted by the crowds of midtown?
Yes, please.
5. Sing Some Irish Tunes
For those of you still left with a song in your heart, don’t fret: the night is young, and there are many drunken songs left to sing!
If you’re in the mood for some wistful tunes, Rocky Sullivan’s in Red Hook features live music on Saturday (and Monday, if one night wasn’t enough). At 6:30pm, Chris Byrne will perform a series of traditional Irish melodies, followed by Ireland’s The Wolfe Tones at 8pm.
Grab a pint and sing along.
Final Thoughts
Enjoy the holiday, friends! Drink responsibly, have adventures, and be merry.
XOXO
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