Month One... Off to a slow start.
TBH, I ended up sleeping my way through the first few weekends. What can I say? It’s summer and these days, hangovers last forever.
Who knew twenty-nine would be so exhausting?
FRIENDLESS WOES
When I made the move from Washington Heights to Prospect Park in January, I couldn’t wait for the change. I was sick of my smelly, crowded block with the creepy men on their stoops and the empty lot full of monstrous alley cats. When Alana and I first signed the lease on Our First New York Apartment, we were over the fucking moon. We painted the walls pink and blue and bought used furniture and spent weeks planning the kitchen and bathroom decor.
But sadly, as the years progressed, the apartment started to feel less like a cozy Parisian loft and more like a shrinking box, constantly crammed with sublets and abandoned winter coats. I was itching to get out, and Brooklyn looked more desirable each day.
When that day finally arrived, I was jubilant. A new start. I wanted to explore every nook and cranny of my new borough. And although I love my new neighborhood, this month I felt flooded with nostalgia and longing for The Heights. I missed the piragua lady and the old couple from my building, and the loud 3am parties and weekly trips to Gin Mill with my closest NYC friends. After the move, I didn’t see them as much; long distance cross-borough friendships are hard to maintain. My friends are now hours - yes, HOURS - away via subway, and I yearned for some old school camaraderie.
Aside from Mike - my unwavering companion - I was feeling friendless and down in the dumps. I needed new activities, aside from drinking wine and binge watching crime documentaries. I desperately wanted to reconnect with my old friends, but I also wanted to open myself up to the possibility of making new friends.
New Friends?! Scary but tempting.
Let’s give it a go, shall we?
GOOD OLE BOYS
(and girls and theys)
So, July’s Happiness Goal is: Spend More Time With Old Friends.
But, when I say, Old Friends, the question arises - how OLD am I going?
New York friends? Tour Friends? College Friends? High School Friends? CHILDHOOD FRIENDS?
How strange to think about the number of friends we accumulate, only to lose or forget them when life picks up. Did they ever really matter? If a friend falls in the forest…
Aside from my friends mentioned above, there is another from my past I’ve always feel guilty about. When my mom and I made the move to Long Island, it was my fifth New School. I was sick of being the new kid, and - to make things more exciting - I had to start mid-semester. Which means, darling readers, I was the “CLASS, WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT” face of pure, pubescent mortification. Sixth grade means lockers, periods, and a new class introduction every forty-five minutes. Round and round she goes.
When I settled into my math class, I felt immense relief to snag a desk in the back row. However, relief quickly turned to a sweeping panic when I realized my pencil had vanished from my backpack. Luckily, the girl sitting in front of me noticed/heard/sensed my nightmarish anxiety and gave me one of hers. She was wearing a yellow shirt with a headband and scrunchie to match. I liked her immediately, and that was that. We were inseparable through high school and beyond. Sleepovers, summer family trips, every day another after school boy-crazy-earrings-charm-bracelets-movies-bowling BEST friendship.
Things fizzled out in college - different schools, different states - which is normal. But, I never fully understood why that was considered such a “normal” thing. Isn’t there a way to reconnect, now that we’re fully equipped with GROWN WOMAN EXPERIENCES? Are friends just friends until we outgrow one another? And, if so, were we ever really friends, or just life rafts to cling to, as we waited for our REAL FRIENDS to show up? The thought troubled me for years.
Conveniently, one of the goals of sharing my Happiness Project with you is...Accountability.
I have her number, we were best friends for a decade, why WOULDN’T I reach out? On impulse, I sent a text and braced for the worst. She wouldn’t answer, or - worse - she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Thankfully, we ended up talking for hours, reminiscing over old jokes and old crushes and time gone by.
Making semi-concrete plans for next month, I felt an immense wave of relief.
No. Joy.
NO. HAPPINESS.
This lost friendship has been a dark spot on my mind for YEARS. And, with one conversation, I’m hopeful that all is not lost. Reconnecting with OLD FRIENDS actually brought me happiness. Yes, happiness.
Yeah, yeah, Gretchen, we get it.
BOOK CLUB BABY
I’ve always been intrigued - and anxiety riddled - by the prospect of joining a book club. A bunch of girls sitting around in cozy sweaters, drinking tea and gushing about their favorite stories? What a dream. I’m a huge reader but, sadly, with the exception of the occasional BEST SELLER, none of my friends have ever truly been bookworms, so I’ve always kept my literary opinions to myself.
Well, friends, this ended in July. Because I, social-anxiety-too-chatty-when-I’m-nervous-Aurie, JOINED A BOOK CLUB. (Thank you, Meetup!)
It wasn’t hard to find: Geeky Girls Sci-Fi Book Club sounded right up my alley. I love sci-fi and fantasy, but wanted to explore new authors and writing styles. Plus, the club was all girls, which means taking a break from the exhausting male gaze or - dare I say it - MANSPLAINING.
July’s book was Stars Uncharted by S.K. Dunstall. A rocking, rolling, badass feminine narrative through an intergalactic space adventure? YES. I read it in record time and couldn’t wait for more. When I arrived at the first book club meeting, which was in the food court of a busy Manhattan shopping plaza, I was all nerves. How will I find them? What if I say something awkward right away? What if no one likes me or I’m too scared to speak? But, as soon as the conversation picked up, I forgot my nerves. I forgot how long I’d talked myself out of joining clubs, I forgot my ‘social anxiety’, I forgot everything. I was having FUN. Talking with women I didn’t know about a book I loved was exciting, and refreshing.
It brought me joy and camaraderie; it brought me HAPPINESS.
So, technically, this wouldn’t fall under the category of spending time with OLD FRIENDS.
But, NEW-ISH FRIENDS count, right? Either way, I was feeling very proud of myself, indeed.
Final Thoughts
All in all, July was a solid month for friends. I planned beach days, birthday drinks, and quality time with people I don’t get to see as much. It’s easy to isolate in times of chaos and stress, but I believe it is important to stay connected with the people around you. These are the people that get you through, after all.
So, I’d say July: Spend More Time With Old (And New) Friends was a triumph.
Two strokes of happiness in one mostly-hungover month?
Not too shabby.
XOXO
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